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A letter to my sistah

Letter to my Sistah,

My dear sister, please choose your husband wisely, because the remainder of your life will be influenced by his decisions and direction; unless you choose to be a matured single forever- which also an excellent choice as well. Remember the good book said, “a wise woman builds her home.”

Our mothers never had access to most of the information we have today about marriage, but their marriages seem to have lasted longer when compared to marriages from the 90’s and upwards. There is something they understood and followed to have gained such results.

Below are some of the notable things that influenced their results.

  1. God created your husband to lead your household. Always strive to allow him to lead. Never contend  with that position. Consistently treat him like a king, and you will always have a king as your husband.
  1. Respect is 90% communicated by our actions and 10% expressed by our words and disposition. Everyman thrives on respect= it is their currency; if you do this well, you will always have a respected husband. The measure of Respect, the husband, gets from outside is mostly dependent on how the wife treat him whether privately or publicly.
  1. Besides God, your priority should be on your husband, not work, phone call, fashion, conference, events, movies, etc. should take precedence. Men want to be reassured that they are prioritized and are first in your life, no matter the chaos life brings.
  1. It is possible for you to be more affluent, wiser and smarter than your husband but never allow that to undermine his position as the head of the home. Never try to openly correct your husband when you believe he is wrong. Defend and cover his mistakes openly and wisely. However, when you get into the privacy of your home, correct him subtly and with love. Most men naturally don’t like to be accosted by their wives, but that doesn’t mean that they should not be corrected, your method and delivery of correction is what matters.
  1. Never refer to your husband or his decision as foolish whether in private or public. Remember you are one of his decision, and he chose you over every other lady. If his choices are stupid, then that makes you foolish too because you are one of his choices.
  1. Never use food or sex as punishment or a manipulation too. It only limits your importance and relevance in his life to just food and sex. If you are a good companion, you will have other essential tools to communicate your displeasure whenever the need arises. This is so important, and that’s why you must meet other needs of your husband.
  1. Understand who he is intrinsically, his love language, his financial character and understand his work habit. Your aim should not be to change the things you don’t like but to efficiently adapt so that your expectations are not dashed, but realistic.

Intimacy is not defined by the frequency of your sexual escapades, conversations, or vacations. All of those things are great, but what makes for an intimate relationship with your husband is how much you understand him as the head of the family, the provider, and your friend.

  1. Arguments are almost unavoidable in any relationship but it is important you know that there are never any winners of an argument in marriage- just losers. So choose your battles wisely. However, healthy discussions are encouraged, this way the focus on what is the right solution rather than focusing on who is right or wrong. Be quick to apologize and say ” I am sorry”.
  1. Avoid unhealthy comparison of your home and that of others. Don’t be quick to confide in everyone about your family issues. We tend to tell our problems to everyone to seek validation when the only person that can genuinely validate us is God.
  1. Lastly, as a married couple, be accountable to another couple or a person that you both respect, and can glean godly wisdom from. There will be times in your relationship that you both are in a desert place, whereby as a couple you can’t pray, or you both refuse to pray. There will be issues that you can’t contend with on your own. It is at these times and only these times that you consult the person or persons you’re accountable to for practical, godly wisdom.

From your Beloved Sistah

HIS ESSENCE.

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