Avoiding the side chick syndrome: Maintaining your standards as a single lady.

Avoiding the Side Chick syndrome: Maintaining your standards as a single lady.

Disclaimer: A big shout out to some good men out there who would never exploit a lady whether she’s single or divorced just because they need to satisfy some sexual urge or void.

This is a looming question that I’ve been wrestling with over the years.  It’s been an obvious observation that women typically have to deal with a whole lot of mess while they are single, but it appears that the messology(I know a coined a new term) doesn’t cease when the lady gets married, let alone when she’s divorced. It appears that there’s this silent stigma of shame that’s associated with divorced women in particular.  The society erroneously assumes that a divorced woman is desperate for love once again, so, therefore, she will easily settle for any tom, dick and harry.


For example, because a lady had parted the Red Sea during the marriage and had kids, therefore, she must be ready and willing to part the Red Sea as a divorcee without any marital commitment.  Afterall, she is no longer a virgin.  Excuse me, I have a Public Service Announcement, just because a lady is single or divorced does not mean she’s ‘desperate in Seattle’ or that she can’t be abstinent once again until marriage. Well HIS ESSENCE, what if she never gets married again, does that mean she won’t part the Red Sea ever again! The beauty of God is that HE gives us the right to exercise our free will. However, as for me and my house, we won’t be parting the Red Sea without a marital covenant. Why would you do that HIS ESSENCE, marriage doesn’t have any guarantees? You are right- marriage does not have any guarantees, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take because that’s what God requires of me and it’s my reasonable service to Him. (Rom. 12:1)


The second scenario, I know I’ve been out of the dating scene for a while now, but since when is it ok for a married man to ask a single lady to go the movies and or grab a bite to eat without his wife and it’s not a date? Is it called something else now? Is it appropriate for some married men to audaciously do so and claim their wives would be ok with it? Even when some married men are reminded by the women that their wives may not be comfortable with them going out (flirting) with another lady and most men immediate response is- she wouldn’t mind- like for real? Then, some ladies try to be a bit more blunt, by saying I’m not interested in going on a date, and the man’s response is-’it’s not a date’. Now I’m perplexed because either I’m showing how dated I am in the dating game or this man in question doesn’t have any regards for his wife. Nah, you have me all the way messed up- Some ladies are not about to be BECKY with the natural hair.


The third scenario, since when is it ok and obligatory for a lady to meet a man at his house on the second date. Yes, he drove an hour and a half to meet her at a restaurant for the first date, but she is not obligated to return the favor by meeting you at your house on the second date-even if you’re a great chef. I guess I’m old school. I believe in getting to know one another over organic conversations, restaurant dates first without any pressure of being a host.

Ladies we have to raise our standards- glow up, step up, come up-whatever terminology you need to demand more from the men in your lives because we’ve settled or accepted less than what we deserve for so long that the men have come to expect a BECKY from many women and that’s sad.

The men are saying let me find women who are dumb enough to entertain me, listen to my groaning’s about the challenges of marriage and sleep with me as if history won’t repeat itself. Yes, he may leave his wife, but divorce rates are higher in second and third marriages. I understand for the men, it’s the thrill of something new, an opportunity to fill a void, but for us, as women to be a participant in any way is too expensive. The cost of being a side chick is too high of a price.

We have to change the narrative so that the expectations can change. Being single or being divorced doesn’t have to be a sentence to desperation prison or that you must give someone a happy ending just because they took you out on one or two dates. We must never compromise our integrity, for companionship. Bottom line don’t be BECKY.

Men, always remember to not do to a woman what you would not want to be done to your daughter or mother.

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