Water Your Garden

Water Your Garden

Remember that children, marriages and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

In a world where it appears convenient for men to have side chics, and permitted to be polygamists and “serial monogamists.” In a world that teaches that monogamy is not relevant and that women are disposable and replaceable, we have to show our sons early the value of women and monogamy. Ultimately, we have to teach them to tend to their garden. A garden requires patience, labor, and attention.

Just like a garden, marriage involves patience, a labor of love and care.  Both parties are responsible for watering the garden so that you can see the garden bloom (develop) to its full potential.Imagine how the society would be if all men stay faithfully committed to just one woman. If from the cradle, the emphasis is laid on male chastity just as it is on the females. Imagine if the males were raised with the consciousness of leading a home, similarly as their female counterparts are taught to be homemakers. Ladies from a very young age, whether consciously and unconsciously being raised in preparation for marriage, this is personified in the kind of toys that they are given. The domestic chores they are taught to do and also made to do while their male counterparts often excused from household duties.

Women are natural multipliers, and whatever is given to the woman comes back bigger and better. Seed (semen) to the woman produces a baby, little funds/grains in a good woman’s hand and she will create delicious meals. The same applies to love, affection, commitment, and faithfulness. If a man gives these things to his woman, she makes it bigger and better. Unfortunately, the same applies to the negatives; a lie, hates, cheats, irresponsibility and unfaithfulness.

The male species are given an inert ability by God to lead a home and make tough decisions void of emotional sentiments (Abraham & Sarah concerning the sacrifice of their son), but this knowledge needs to be nurtured and practiced from their tender age. For example, the society assumes that a male will ask a lady out and make her his wife and together they will raise children. However, little emphasis is placed on how the man should go about fulfilling this task without doing so with a ‘hunter’s mentality’ which sees a lady as a game to be preyed upon. (If you lose a game, you can go hunt for another)

Homes with men who are faithful and committed to their wives produce children that become more responsible adults who contribute positively to the society. However, rarely do you see this reflected in the home, this day and age. Why Is that? Many of us give up on our garden before it blooms. Marriages take time to develop; women are taught since their teens, to be homemakers, caretakers, nurturers, gatekeepers and to be committed to their relationships and marriages no matter the circumstance. Women are taught that ladies do not sleep around and that if you do, it diminishes your self-worth. However, men are rarely taught how to approach a woman, let alone how to tend to her needs and how to remain faithful. Instead, he has trained through observation that men are not “wired” to be monogamous, that it’s unnatural, that their DNA requires them to have multiple women, that because they are visual beings, they can’t be in a monogamous relationship. We assimilate to the idea that “men will be men.” Meanwhile what message are we sending to our sons? What message are we sending to our daughters? When will we break free from these wrong perceptions?

I’m not saying it’s the woman job, but when a portion of the men are imprisoned, some are polygamists, while some are misogynists- you have to ask yourself where are the men and who is left to provide examples. Newsflash – women, don’t want to be the man in a relationship. Often the woman that’s acting as the “man” in a relationship does so because she doesn’t trust the man’s leadership, and she doesn’t believe in the quality of his decisions because he may have demonstrated previously that the Holy Spirit is not leading him. His choices have been contrary to the word, and if she doesn’t have a godly example, then she becomes confused about the direction of her future together with him. Consequently, if there’s no holy example for her children, she starts functioning in a role she wasn’t designed to operate in. There is an epidemic happening in the church and the homes, where there are no godly examples to follow.

Therein lies the problem for preparing your sons to be fathers, to be husbands, to be committed- there are insufficient examples. So then, why should we as women be surprised when our sons don’t value women, why are we surprised that our sons believe women are disposable, why are we surprised that our sons do think vehemently in gender roles and therefore don’t feel they need to assist their wives at home.

There is no cookie cutter solution to this reality. However, culturally we have to do something, in our homes we have a responsibility to do something, and finally, the church must do something. It’s time for cultural norms to stop dictating biblical standards. It’s time for fathers at home to teach your son from day one the value of a woman and the cost of a marriage from a sound biblical perspective. It’s time that the church becomes intentional about equipping and empowering the men to lead their families in the way of the Lord-through conferences, mentorship, and leadership programs.

Empowering and equipping our children rightly today will save a marriage and a family tomorrow.


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